The world’s first vinyl streaming service
The future is here, now.
Not just then. Right... NOW.
And also NOW (the future, that is.)
Have you ever thought: 'listening to music on vinyl will make me a better human, but turntables are just so bulky’?; and 'storing these records takes up shelf space I need for Funko Pops™️'; and ‘it’s not even worth mentioning this album on Twitter unless I’ve listened to it on an audio format from the ‘50s or whenever.’
Fret no more wax porers — WaxOn™️ is a vinyl streaming service where you can listen to your favourite records wherever you want, whenever, in creamy warm analogue quality via crystal clear Ultra Max High Definition 4K digital audio. Simply download our Windows Mobile and Palm OS apps* and pick from a library of 40 bamillion obscure '60s and '70s ska, soul, and anarcho punk records.
Join the vinyl revolution without the physical hassle and never moan about shipping again!**
We've constructed the world's largest array of rack-mounted, networked vinyl turntables in groovy data centres all across the globe. You can access your own personal turntable on the other side of the country, with audio being streamed at 44,000 teraplops between the stylus and your eardrums — faster than the speed of HD sound***.
Think you can afford to miss out on WaxOn™️ and still present yourself as a discerning music fan online?
You can’t.
So don’t!
For a small additional fee, you can even hire your own virtual assistant to clean the stylus on your remote turntable with a carbon fibre brush, align your anti-skate counterweight, and stroke their beard in satisfaction when all is as it should be.
#RealWithIt #WaxOn #WaxOff #KillingInTheNameOf
* Not forgetting to subscribe through our website. Pricing: Yes.
** Please.
*** Probably.